When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
