Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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