I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
