i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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