Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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