You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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