ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
