I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
