nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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