Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
