I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
