you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
