I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
