I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
