this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
