Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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