Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
