You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
