Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize