Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize