you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
