I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
