why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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