apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
