If that was your dad, he is hot
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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