I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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