You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
