I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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