Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
