if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
