Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
