I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
