She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
