She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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