It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
