yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
