If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
