farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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