Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
