she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
