bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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