my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
