question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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