hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize