God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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