This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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