I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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