Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
