My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
