You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize