This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
