if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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