I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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