my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
handjob tips. give me some.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
