Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
