hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
