I want to have your abortion
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
