Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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