Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
