yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
