He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
