im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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