walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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