just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
