i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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