Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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