You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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