it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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